I’ve had a lot of conversations this week which has led me to this post. I enjoy writing about lighter topics like food and what I get up to but I think it’s important to write about issues/subjects that matter or I feel that encompass me.
There’s been a lot of talk on my social media this week about relationships and I’ve had to explain my lifestyle choices to people who don’t share my views/visions for their own life. Most would call me mad or cynical, I just see it as being smart and making informed choices about my life that are perhaps different to others. I don’t think I push my views on others or take every opportunity to slate relationships, tell people they’re stupid and doing life wrong, that’s not kl. But I will happily discuss it with anyone who wants to discuss it.
How did I arrive at this destination?
In a nutshell a lot of bad relationships (to say the least), poor judgment on my part & a lot of unhappiness. I have dated quite a few guys & girls and did it ever really bring me joy? No. It was complicated, painful, debilitating, pointless. Now I know what you’re thinking, that’s no reason to give up on “love”, just because of a few “bad apples”. But it hasn’t been just a few apples… It’s mostly been rotten apples that are so far gone you would soon regret it if you decided to try one. I have seen all the evil that people do and have decided for my betterment and happiness that I deserve more. No limits or restrictions that are inherent of a human ball and chain. Never again will I choose someones else’s happiness over my own.
If you’re still reading this you’re probably thinking that I sound incredibly selfish and self-centered. Be that as it may, I’m a grown woman (26) and I have the power to make my own rules, as do you. I need to be selfish to ensure my own survival and to be as happy as my brain allows. Most people have probably had a relationship hiatus at some point in their lives and may recall how empowering and wonderful it is. I have also been on the other end of the spectrum where I felt lonely and couldn’t handle being on my own. (A much younger version of myself who I’m glad to see the back of). My independence and single status is now tied to my sanity and my ever devolving health.
Most people have probably had a relationship hiatus at some point in their lives and may recall how empowering and wonderful it is. I never have a second where I don’t feel that way. I have also been on the opposite side of the spectrum where I felt incredibly lonely and couldn’t handle being on my own. (A much younger version of myself who I’m glad to see the back of), but we evolve and change as we grow up.
It brings me joy to be alone (in every sense of the word), with no one to answer to. I’ve had enough men trying to control me and bend me to their will over the years, I’m not content with that & I don’t want any part of it or any part of what society deems as normal.
No relationships, no marriage, no kids, all that stuff is a dream I once had but no longer want. It literally was the case that I woke up one day 2 years ago and was like I don’t want that anymore, I had completely changed. Most people say it’s not permanent and that I will change my mind, but I won’t, and more importantly, I don’t want to. I enjoy my independence tremendously and I’m not interested in this fools errand of finding “the one” (if you believe in that kind of thing, which I DO NOT). My ideas may not look like yours or the average persons but it is my life and I do not take it or my choices for granted. We all do what we must to have some happiness in this world full of tragedy.
I hope this brought up some questions for you and made you think about your own life and happiness a bit more. Because in the end, we can only really rely on ourselves and that is the relationship we must work on and value above all others.
If you’re doing what you truly want to do and are happy though I cannot fault anyone for that. I hope those that are still searching for something that you find what you are looking for.